Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
