My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
