I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
