I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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