why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
