I wish I could punch you in the face.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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