so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
