No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
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