i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
