I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
whose parrot is this?
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
