Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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