Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Randomize
