there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Randomize
