my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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