were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
