OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Randomize
