I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
i believe in u and ur pee
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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