well you can't waste a boner
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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