the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
