Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
