I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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