you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
