Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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