so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
