Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
