he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
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