Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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