party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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