My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Randomize
