dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
