Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
