I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Sext me about skeletons
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
