today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Randomize
