Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
50% drunk capacity currently
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
