I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
