Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
