And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
