I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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