I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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