Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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