found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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