One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
