God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Randomize
