He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
