I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
