He disabled his match.com account in front of me
lets start a swedish sibling band together
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I just gift wrapped bread.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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