I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
