.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Randomize
