Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
