I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
