we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
