mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
