Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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