I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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