Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
