I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
