the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
