I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Randomize
