i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
