Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Randomize
